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Sexology

I’ve been active within the oldest profession for plenty of years now, and have decided to put my ideas about professionally practiced sex into some structured theory, and make it accessible here on my website. I particularly hope it can be helpful to all you isolated and inexperienced sex workers out there, with no one to turn to.

I have made a short comparative analysis of what I have chosen to call “the positive discourse of professional sex” respectively the “destructive discourse of professional sex”. Both exist, and even co-exist on the same scenes, although depending on where and how you work, you will find their prevalence in different proportions.

Positive discourse Destructive discourse
Overview
1) Female sexuality in professional sex
- Active personal capacity - Passive body property
2) Male sexuality in professional sex
- Has own sexual capacity - Buys and gains sexuality
3) Female role in professional sex
- Professional entrepreneur - Utilizable commodity
4) Male role in professional sex
- Client receiving service - Customer buying commodity
5) Male and female interaction in professional sex
- Professional and legitimate - Private and illegitimate
6) The sexual act in professional sex
- Female enclosure - Male penetration

Positive discourse

Destructive discourse
1) Female sexuality in professional sex
- Active personal capacity - Passive body property
1A) Female sexuality is an autonomous capacity in the person of the woman.
It is constituted, caused and animated, by her own sexual preferences and the outer stimuli that coincide with her preferences.		 1A) The female sexuality is a passive property immanent in her body.
It is constituted, automatically caused and animated, by male sexual use of her body, as well as by male sexual perception of her.
1B) The sexuality is one capacity, among other, that constitute and determine the person, identity and social value of the woman.
It is of same significance as motherhood, capacity for friendship, empathy, intelligence and other characteristics concerning her identity.		 1B) The sexuality is the most important property that constitutes and determines the person, identity and social value of the woman.
It is the most significant thing about her, the fundamental core of her being, and of more importance than any other characteristic concerning her identity.
1C) Male sexual actions and perceptions can only cause sexuality in the woman, in case said actions and approach coincide with (and trigger and stimulate) her own sexual preferences. 1C) The woman can either like or dislike male sexual use or perception of her, but she cannot refrain from passively getting her sexuality defined, caused and animated (thus also exploited) by the man.
1D) Sometimes it is sexually stimulating to work with sexual services – sometimes it is just neutral.
This is determined by what coincides with the woman’s own preferences for what triggers and stimulates her sexuality.
Like a woman often get spontaneously affectionate when she hugs someone, or gets motivated to hug someone out from feeling affectionate, – it is not the mere act of hugging itself that by automatic necessity cause emotional affections.		 1D) To engage in sexual actions is always sexual – it can never be neutral.
This is determined by the external physical use of her body (which is what constitutes her sexuality and in turn her person).
Sexual actions can be either “right” with love and desire, or “wrong” with abuse and trauma. Would the woman not directly experience sexual “right” or “wrong” during (or after) sexual activity, she believes to be engaged in self-denial and psychological repression.
2) Male sexuality in professional sex
- Enjoys sexuality - Buys and gains sexuality
2A) The man has (just like the woman) an autonomous and intrinsic capacity for sexuality in his own person.
Engaging in sex with a woman regards actions expressing his sexuality, it does not constitute his sexuality as such.		 2A) The man believes that sex, as well as sexuality, is something gets form the female body.
The male sexuality is constituted by (and even located in) the female body, and his access to it.
2B) Like for the woman, the sexuality is one capacity of many, which constitutes the person and social value of the man. It is not more significant than fatherhood, capacity for friendship and likewise. 2B) Gaining sexuality by having access to a female body is what realized the man to his full potential as person. As well as capability to claim this access constitutes his social value as man with manhood.
2C) Having sex with a woman is a nice way for a man to live out and enjoy his own sexuality.
Getting a sexual reciprocation from the woman might be a trigger the man finds sexually arousing, but what he experiences when aroused is his own sexuality, not sexuality gained from the woman.		 2C) The man experiences his own sexuality through the female body.
By sexually owning the body of a woman, he gains a sexuality of his own.
His use of her body is equal to his use of her sexuality, which thus gets metaphysically extracted from her, to be gained and owned by the man.
2D) Paying for a service consisting of sexual actions is a matter of quality of sexual experience and pleasure.
It is by nature of reality not essentially different from masturbation or fantasy.
The personal and relational circumstances of the situation, the actual enjoyment for both parts, do therefore matter a lot for the quality of the male sexual experience and enjoyment.		 2D) Penetrative sex with the body of a woman is the only sexual act the man believes to be a real manifestation of male sexuality.
It is by nature of reality essentially different from masturbation or fantasy.
The personal and relational circumstances of the situation, the actual enjoyment as such for both parts, do not really matter for this male claiming of sexuality.
3) Female role in professional sex
- Professional entrepreneur - Utilizable commodity
3A) The woman is a professional entrepreneur, something of a combination of artisan, entertainer and therapist, performing services. 3A) The woman is reduced from person to a commodity, consisting of a passive and accessible body, with inherent exploitable sexuality.
3B) The woman is acknowledged authority as professional entrepreneur and expert in the situation. As well as professional authority over the man, who is the client, and likewise the civilian or layman, in the situation. 3B) The woman is not acknowledged authority over her own self or over her own actions.
Much less professional authority over the situation or over the man, which instead is perceived as in charge of her.
3C) The woman is working with the male sexuality. Her role is that of a guiding intermediary for the man to experience, explore and enjoy his sexuality. 3C) The woman is working with her own sexuality, and transferring it to the man. Her role is to passively let the man access it, animate it, use it, an gain it from her.
3D) The woman experiences that she sexually encloses the man in an intimate experience of physical and emotional pleasure.
Her involvement in sexual actions is not changing her fundamentally as person, more than actions in other care-taking jobs, that involve human needs and emotions.		 3D) The woman experiences that she gets sexually penetrated, both physically, and in a metaphysical sense of personal integrity.
Having gotten subjected to this changes her fundamentally as person, it damages her, soils her, and it depletes her of social, sexual and human value.
3E) The woman is motivated by entrepreneurship and personal affinity, and has chosen to work with sexual services among other options for making a living.
Her motivations are autonomous, and she and her clients acknowledge her actions a professional status.		 3E) The woman is motivated to sell her sexuality by compelling need for money, external coercion, or lack of other opportunities to make the money needed.
Her motivations are not autonomous and do not carry professional status, nor are they acknowledged such.
4) Male role in professional sex
- Client receiving service - Customer buying commodity
4A) The man hires a service consisting of actions, aiming to engage and entertain his sexuality. 4A) The man buys access to a passive female body, with inherent sexuality to extract and exploit.
4B) The man perceives himself as being in the role of a client in a professional relation to an entrepreneur – where it is normal and morally acceptable to pay for services given. 4B) The man perceives himself as a in a non-professional and morally illict relation to a woman – which he bribes, or gets economically used by, in order to gain his own sexuality.
4C) The man is subordinated the professional conditions and initiatives of the woman, like any client in relation to a professional entrepreneur. 4C) The man is the superior person in the situation, as the woman is reduced from person to commodity, and thus necessarily subservient.
4D) The man gets taken care of by the woman, the sexual initiatives and actions are in interchanging interaction, guided by the woman. 4D) The man uses the body of the woman, all her sexual actions are passive and subordinate compliance to his demands and initiatives.
4E) The man is motivated by like for pleasure.
He pays to get a good experience in quality of sexual pleasure, along with some care-taking, attention and courtesy directed at his person. But he has a sexual identity of his own, no matter what.		 4E) The man is motivated by desperate need.
He pays because he cannot get any, or not enough, sexual access to female bodies freely. And getting this sexual access is something he desperately needs in order to have a sexual identity of his own.
5) Male and female interaction in professional sex
- Professional and legitimate - Private and illegitimate
5A) The relation between the woman and the man is seen as professional, not private, which dispenses normal social norms and customs. 5A) The relation between the man and the woman is not seen as professional, but as a private but illicit and norm-breaking relation.
5B) The professional actions undertaken are therefore legitimate in the professional situation, and follow exceptional social norms.
Meaning that they are given different emotional, moral and relational meaning, compared to same actions in the context of a private situation.		 5B) The non-professional actions undertaken are therefore illegitimate in the situation, due to their socially norm-breaking nature.
Which then in turn implies diverse conflicted emotional, moral and relational problems, due to the illegitimacy of the context of the situation.
5C) Like a psychologist does not sell her own psyche or her own emotions, by emphatically working with these capacities in the patients, the sexuality of the woman is not the commodity of the service. 5C) The woman is selling her sexuality as a commodity to the man, who extracts and gains it from her. She could be compared to a milking cow, which periodically is rented out for milking.
5D) The woman takes the main initiatives, directs and times the session, out from professional experience, what the man has requested, and what she intuitively can read from him. 5D) The man takes all initiatives and handles the situation. The woman can only set “limits” for what might be done with her, but within those limits she is passively subordinated.
5E) Both the woman and the man are in belief of doing something that is acceptable and morally just.
Both are at ease with what they do, and have like and respect for themselves, as well as for the other part.		 5E) Both the woman and the man are in belief of doing something that is unacceptable and morally wrong.
Both are ashamed of themselves, and try to project their shame at (and the blame on) the other part.
5F) Both parts have mutual interest in having a nice interaction. The woman wants a nice and positive atmosphere to conduct her craft in, and the man wants an engaged and motivated service. 5F) Both parts are in conflict. The woman wants to be exposed to as little sexual use for as much money as possibly, and the man wants as much sexual access for as little money as possibly.
5G) Both trust the other to behave emphatically and act fairly within the professional relation, and all conditions are clear and accepted after initial agreement. 5G) Both distrust the other of trying to cheat by payment or “commodity”, and all conditions are unclear, questioned and constantly up to re-negotiation.
6) The sexual act in professional sex
- Female enclosure - Male penetration
6A) The woman encloses the man physically, as well as emotionally by giving him an experience of intimacy, where his sexuality is welcome to take place, be seen, cared for, experienced and acted out. 6A) The man penetrates the woman, and by doing so he exceeds the boundaries of her body into her spiritual being, where he extracts a metaphysical essence of sexual value/goods from her person.
6B) The female sex, and other bodily openings, are active body parts and organs, with enclosing and enfolding capacity. Not so unlike that of a holding hand or a pair of hugging arms. 6B) The female sex, and other bodily openings, are passive and inane physical holes, that give transgressing access into both the body and the metaphysical personal being of the woman.
6C) The male sex is an organ that reaches out searching for welcoming contact and intimate enclosure in a partner. 6C) The male sex is a penetrative tool, which is used to claim ownership and gain sex from the woman.
6D) Enclosing a man does often cause sexual pleasure and other interpersonal emotions, both for the enclosing female and the enclosed male.
But sexual actions do not in themselves cause sexuality. Sexuality mere coincides with sexual actions, if the individual personal sexual preferences are triggered and stimulated.		 6D) Penetrating a woman causes automatic sexuality in her, which then likewise is automatically transferred to (and gained by) the man.
Her like or dislike does not matter (nor does the actual male enjoyment) as the man causes sexuality to manifest as a phenomena of it’s own reality, merely by being able to physically perform.

To briefly conclude of this:

The problem with professionally practiced sex is not the sexual undertakings as such, but our cultural heritage. Where the destructive discourse generally is an old and deeply rooted traditional social reality for sexuality. Which people project on us that work with sex, as a mean to distance themselves from it and rid themselves of it.

To some extent, my discourse analysis could be read with the positive discourse as the emancipated form for professionally practiced sex, and with the destructive discourse as “the unwanted heritage of traditional sexuality in society”.
And in so far that clients and non-professional sex workers have accepted this scape-goat role, and believe it to be true about them, they recreate it and manifest it. But it is far from the truth about, and the reality for, all of us that work with the oldest profession.

Is the positive discourse doable?
It already exist to large extent in Danish massage parlors, and a little here and there among providers and receivers of sexual services everywhere. It is already “lived in practice”, this far it has just lacked an abstract language for self-definition.

It is doable because it is lived out in a professional context, outside of a normal private social context. This means that normal interpersonal relations and norms are dispensed and replaced by professional exceptional relations and norms.
The latter are motivated by professional need to create a functional personal approach and a nice working atmosphere, and hence more consciously constructed.

Professional identities and relations are to their nature more flexible and open for change, re-definition and exceptional customs, than private identities and relations are. They are so, because they are more temporary, and have less extensive “contact surface” to all aspects of the persons involved. Which means that they are more transparent, easier to reflect on, and easier to consciously enact.
This opens up opportunities to actually practice a bit of “free will”, and consciously start to create social reality by behavior.

Instead of hopelessly being trapped in a given reality of already internalized emotions and values – one can actually by behavior (in interaction with others) start to create emotions and values, which one by behavior realizes in one’s own self, as well as in one’s social surroundings.

Normally, our behavior and our emotions are determined from our cultural identity, and our cultural identity is behavioristically learned. Which traps us in a circuiting circle, where we more or less are predetermined to reproduce what already given culture we first have learned.
Here, in the context of professional relations, we have the opening out from that circuiting circle.

How it is doable?
By the form of deconstruct and then reconstruct. First you empty your actions of normal meaning and content, then you ascribe them with new meaning and content. For it to work, you need other people to interact with and relate to; clients and colleagues that give you affirmative response, and function as role-models, to the new social meaning you create together.

It is not that different from that people working within health-care have a different way to deal with big issues, such as life and dead, in their professional practice, compared to in their private life. The same goes for plenty of professions, and is part of what makes up the difference between the private and professional spheres in life.

This does not mean that the professional sphere in life goes empty of “real meaning”, or lacks such things as empathy, personal preferences, feelings of belonging, opportunities for self-realization, creative expressions, and so on. It just means that these issues carry a different meaning and significance to us in a professional setting compared to a private setting.

In the setting of professionally practiced sex though, it goes wrong for many people. They never get to create a new positive professional reality, but are hopelessly trapped in reproducing the destructive cultural heritage of sexuality, and it’s definition of “prostitution”. Or they get trapped into the “limbo”, there sexual actions just are mechanical and empty of meaning. Usually bringing on that they later ascribe destructive meaning to them, in lack of other alternatives for interpretation.

And as always, you have the phenomena of “like searching like”. For some reason, maybe by small details in expression and behavior, girls that are into the destructive discourse mainly attract clients that also are into that discourse. And girls that are into the positive discourse do mainly attract clients that likewise are into the positive discourse. Thus reproducing and further reinforcing what social reality they already are into.

But the magic here, is that one only needs a few “seeds of information”, in order to consciously choose between the two discourses. Once you know what you want, you can start to search for people, environments and opportunities, where you can saw these informational seeds in good ground. In a ground where they can grow and give you a good harvest, which you can keep on sewing anew, until you one day have a nice big farmland you can live on.

As sex worker, you only need a few “Atlas clients” (I call them this, in likening of the mythological giant Atlas carrying the sky on his shoulders, as well as in the meaning of a book of maps for orientation) within the “positive discourse”, which you can start with. If you focus on connecting well too your Atlas clients, and let your interaction with them define your “standard for reality”, you can make that reality come true for you in your life.

If you have “learned yourself” by working on a few good clients, you will from then on know how to recognize and choose more of them, as well as you learn how to work in such a fashion that you get them to return, and to be the ones that make up your regular clientele.
From having a few good clients, you will get strong enough to deal with “destructive discourse clients”, without starting to believe in what they believe in. As well as you will get strong enough to refuse to internalize society’s view on you.
Even better is of course if you have some good colleagues to identify with, as identification with role-models is an even stronger mean to create identity and social reality, than merely interaction between people is.

What is the greater value for society of this?
That we working with professionally practiced sexuality is in the frontline for creating a new, enlightened and emancipated sexuality. The feminism of today is very much stuck into a dead end trap. Their ideology is only an ideology of criticism without own, or new, content. They have criticized penetration, but yet not envisioned enclosure.

The Scandinavian feminists have trapped woman into victimization with no opening for liberation. They have seen, formulated, and understood the old patriarchal heritage of oppression of women and destructive sexuality, and they have made clear that they don’t want it. But instead of figuring out what they want, they only focus on how to escape, harm reduce, and hinder what they don’t want.
They blindly criticize the “destructive discourse” out from it’s own premises for how to define reality and sexuality. Thereby they also unknowingly accept its’ premises as essential truths about reality and sexuality as such. By which the Scandinavian feminists in turn contribute to reproduce and maintain the “destructive structures” as social reality for how to define and construct sexuality. They have no idea about what new content to replace it with, or what new, and own, material to start building on.

As mentioned above, this is maybe unavoidable, seen to the circuiting hermeneutic circle of only being able to work with what one already understands. By necessity, we are products from our culture, and we are bound to socially reproduce what material we already consist of. (Or at best, criticize it, but rarely being able to imagine anything actually new.)

Yet – all culture and all societies change over time. How? By the anomalies giving “wild leaps” of new information. We working with professional sex are such anomalies in the body of society. And we do have some new information.
And here above you can read some of it, put into structure as a kind of ideology.